we're all a little bit desperate

verzweifelt™ is a clothing label for people who’ve tried therapy, meditation, journaling, melatonin gummies, five lobotomies, deleting instagram, re-downloading instagram, deleting tinder, re-downloading tinder, attempting to become a buddhist monk, trying to escape to italy, going through a self-discovery spiral, accidentally starting a self-destructive spiral, and eventually just giving up and realising that a good rave is the most reliable way way to avoid their next unavoidable existential crisis.

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daddy poseidon
“i don't really wear t-shirts, but if i would, i'd definitely buy them at verzweifelt™”
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the grandmother
“this shop is a great way for my grandchildren to launder the money i make selling spices”
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albert einstein
“these designs are so delicious, i wish i could use my oversized tongue to lick every single one of them”

it's not lifestyle. it's survivalstyle.

instead of constantly drowning in a pool of anxiety, verzweifelt™ is all about riding the waves of a turbulent world & swimming against the current of dry influencer culture, with a splash of irony, bitter cocktails, and water-related metaphors.

an entire universe of deeply relatable lore

verzweifelt™ features dozens of original characters and storylines from caio van caarven's literary creations, and is part of an ever-expanding universe that combines science, history, cooking, raves, mental health, self-discovery, languages, & other completely unrelated topics into wildly creative books, videos, art, and fashion designs.

for the distracted and the brainrotten

do you ever wish you could just brain your burn down, uh, burn your brain down and realise that you made a small "oopsie" in the middle of writing this text but decided to keep it because it proves EXACTLY the kind of distracted person you are & how it's the best way to "show" instead of "tell"? yeah.

what you'll find here

  • clothes

    monthly new collections with original hand-drawn designs from the verzweifelt™ universe

  • books

    by far the most creative books you've ever seen in your life. written with love & fully illustrated.

  • drinkware

    the best cups to drink your tears, a morning espresso martini, or poseidon's bitter water.

  • a lobotomy

    or at least a new coping mechanism to deal with all the things happening around us right now.

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unfrequently asked questions

what's this all about

this is a way for me to afford my terrible addiction to timothee chalamet body pillows. they're very expensive and keep leaving me for zendaya. speaking of which: do you pronounce it zendaya or zendaya? i keep forgetting.

who's the person behind this madness?

i keep asking myself the same thing, though the real question should be "what is the madness behind this person?"

wouldn't it be better if we could walk around naked instead?

yes, it would. but the only person legally allowed to walk around naked at all times is daddy poseidon, who (according to history books) never ever wore a t-shirt in his entire immortal lifetime.

how long are the delivery times?

books usually take 2-4 business days to get delivered.

clothes are custom-made and generally take 5-7 business days to ship.

hats might take longer to deliver (1-2 weeks) if you live in the EU. that's because they're made in mexico and need to detox after indulging in the smokiness of mezcal

greeting cards take around 1-2 weeks to arrive (unless you're in austria or germany, then it's faster)

pre-orders will be shipped as soon as the books get printed. "desperate brain" will be shipping in early/mid september, while "desperate cooking", "desperate drinking" & "desperate baking" will ship in late november/early december, just in time for your next seasonal depression.

my order still didn't arrive. what can i do?

maybe we sent it with a german train and it got lost in time and lost in space. and lost in space. and lost in space.

(sorry, the song got stuck in my head)

just drop a reply to your order confirmation mail or send a new e-mail mentioning your order number & someone will take care of it as soon as they can.

how do pre-orders work?

when you place a pre-order, you're literally helping bring a new project to life. so, well, congratulations! you're now a proud mother (or father) of a new book!

as soon as the books get printed and the initial logistics are sorted out (basically transporting them from one warehouse to another), you'll finally be able to get custody over your newborn child – that generally happens about a month after the printing date (it's hard to believe, but hardcover books take FOREVER to get ready).

pre-orders are sorted by date and sent in batches. the sooner you pre-order, the sooner you'll get your book. signed books/books with special request tend to take longer to arrive, because they need to go into a special pile and receive extra attention (else they'll grow up feeling neglected and land in a series of frustrated situationships)

if you pre-order "desperate brain" now, you'll get it shipped shortly before the official release date. that's early/mid september 2025.

if you pre-order "desperate cooking" or "desperate drinking" or "desperate baking" or all of them at once, you'll get them shipped in mid/late november, right as the weather starts to get colder and drain away your life energy.

can i order a sub twink for myself?

yes, but it costs extra.

where can i find the grandmother's spices?

just look around until you spot a pair of sneakers hanging from a tree

what's the bitter water?

bitter water (brand name: waßer) is daddy poseidon's latest creation, and is a combination of still water and a special spice from the grandmother (if you watch the videos, it's the one sinderella was supposed to smuggle into the royal bdßm ball)

should i just give up? like, in general

no. you still want to know what happens at the ending of "severance", so you should stick around for a few years at least.

get touchy

if you have a question about a specific order, please reply to your order confirmation mail instead. thank youuuuuu

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